Ikea romance
by Avoocado
Summary: Who knew that in Ikea, you can not only find some splendid furniture, but also the source of your sexual desires? 'Not me' thought Austria, sniffing his pink, frilly curtains, which smelled like Sweden. Or maybe Sweden smelled like curtains?


''Rooooodddyyyyy...'' Loud banging on the door. Austria smashed his head on the table, feeling an incoming migraine. '' I want to shoooow you something...''

''I'm busy right now darling'' he yelled back, not wanting Hungary to hear his fear. There was a moment of silence before she said with low voice, perfectly clear in the thick layer of thrilling silence.

''Are you...changing?''

''No, I'm writing an important, political essay, about my thoughts on the new prime minister's health act'' He replied after elegantly putting away his nail polish to the drawer. He smiled victoriously. He knew that she lost him on the word 'political'. He knew how to handle them women.

''Oh'' A blank response. ''Well why won't you open the door then?'' Ah, a tricky question. A gentleman should know how to maneuver through the wild sea of woman's thoughts, and him – Roderich – was an expert in dealing with Hungary.

''Do you want me to open the door sweetheart?''

''Well... yes'' came an unsure reply.

''Do you have a camera with you?'' Austria asked kindly, knowing already what the answer is going to be.

'' You know, I saw pink, frilly bed curtains in IKEA'S, I thought that they would fit nicely into your room.'' She decided to change the topic. Yeah. That would probably blend fantastically in the surroundings, you were probably going to use in your new porno tape. '' And since a GOOD friend of mine is going to visit us, I want to show him my perfect fashion sense.''

Austria took of his glasses to clean them, before replying with a tired voice '' Do you perhaps... want me to go buy them for you?''

''YES !'' she squealed excitingly.

''Very well then'' He pushed himself out of the chair, hearing nervous toddling from behind the door. She was probably thinking that know he would open the door, so she could catch him into her devious claws and do nasty things to him. Well. Not a fate chance. Fool my twenty one times, shame on me, fool me twenty two times, shame on you. He walked to the balcony, and quickly began to measure his chances of surviving the fall from the second floor. Luckily near his balcony grew a frail tree, which didn't look like strong enough to support a grown man like him, but Austria wasn't picky. With no hesitation, he jumped, and elegantly landed on his butt. For a while he pondered what his live would be without Hungary. He would probably return to peaceful times of playing on the piano for hours, without living in fear of sudden rape. But anyway, thanks to Elizavieta, he was living a more thrilling life.

He had become a quite adventurous man, that Roderich.

* * *

He was standing there for more then a hour, looking at about one hundred pink, frilly curtains on display. People already started giving him the weird eye, but he was used to it. Not many people can see such a fine man like himself everyday. He was now observing the fabric of one of the curtains, when a rough voice made him jump unwillingly.

''Ma' I help you?'' Asked the the tall blonde. Suddenly it was very hot.

''Sweden! I didn't expect to see you here...'' Sweden raised an eyebrow. Awkward silence was hanging in the air. Roderich started to stroke his cravat. It may have been obvious, but Austria wasn't expecting to meet the source of his sexual desires in IKEA, next to the pink, frilly curtains aisle.

'' So, you buyin' dem curtains?'' Oh, that sexy voice. Countless of times Austria found himself dozing off on the meetings, while Sweden was reading his reports, imaging him screaming his name with that harsh voice of his.

'' Well yes indeed. Hungary asked me to buy some curtains, but I wasn't aware of such a big choice of those''

''In Sweden everythin' comes big'' Oh how he wanted to find about this by himself. '' Dat Hungary 's got good fashion style''

'' Oh so I see you're quite an expert in this'' And hopefully also in many other things '' Would you care to aid me with your knowledge?'' He striked a sexy pose, without it being to obvious. He was an aristocrat so his dignity didn't allow to do those kind of things in public. Of course, he was willing to throw away it for a steamy night with a hot Swede.

'' Dis' re our bestsellers'' He said presenting Austria probably the most ugly, and frilly thing in the whole department. Roderich coughed, lowering his voice.

''Actually, Hungary wants to hang them in my room''

'' Mmmm' understand'' he said thoughtfully. ''Den dis will b'perfect for Hungary's new sex video'' He picked some curtains with a slightly redish color, and with the frills less noticeable.

''These are.. acceptable. I'll take them'' he said with a relived voice.

''Lemme help you with dem'' He picked the curtains and carried them to the cash register in a very manly way. How many times Roderich have dreamed of licking wiped cream of that muscular body.

After paying for the curtains, it was time to say goodbye to the sexy Swede. Too many words wanted to escape from Austria's mannered lips, but sadly words like: 'Take of your clothes!' or 'Take me in more ways than one!' just didn't sound right for a romantic farewell.

''So I'll be seeing you...''

''Imma drive you home'' Berwald cut in, and not waiting for a response, started leading the way to his car. Austria stood there for a while before convincing himself that it wasn't a dream but sweet, sweet reality.

'' That's very noble of you'' Austria said after a while with a slightly girly voice.

''I was goin' der anyway, when I met you. Hungary'z invited me'' Austria looked up on the heaven.

''Thank you'' he mouthed, before entering the car.

* * *

'' Rhoddyyyyy... Where have you been? I was worried sick!'' Hungary hid the frying pan behind her, when she saw the other guest. '' Oh, and you've brought Bervy with you!'' she added with a radiating smile that reflected on both Sweden and Austria's glasses. '' Sadly..'' she added with a grimace '' There's also an UNWELCOME guest among us.''

'' Yo! '' Prussia called from the end of the hallway '' An awesome time to appear for an awesome man like me. I thought I've came just in time to save your sissy ass, Austria, as I saw that witch breaking your door. But it looks like you've managed to escape. I wish I could've seen that! I bet it was hilarious. Did you land on your aristocratic ass? '' A loud bang was heard, after Hungary's frying pan landed straight forward on Prussia's face.

''I've bought the curtains'' Austria informed with a flat voice.

''Great! So why won't you and Bervy go hang them now, while I'll get rid of the body?'' She said smilling.

''Of course'' Austria didn't bother to complain, while he led the obligate Swede to his room.

While they were replacing the old curtains with the new, ugly ones, none of them was talking, Austria was preoccupied with his perverted thoughts, and Sweden – who knows?

''Mmm...Finished'' Sweden announced. Now, a view of pink, frilly curtains adored their eyes. That litlle accent made Roderich's room look like a first class brothel. Austria sighed, letting out his whole misfortune.

''Do you wana take dem off?''

Austria turned away slowly, to face the stern look on Sweden's face. He put a hand on his hips and growled ferociously.

''No, I want you to rip them. On the piano.''

''Imma meant the curtains'' Sweden replied unsure.

''Oh''. Well this was awkward.

There was a silence between them in which Austria thought about escaping through the balcony second time this day. Suddenly Sweden pushed him away, and he hit some furniture with a loud CLANK.

''Ugh. What in the...'' he tried to stand up to take a defensive pose, but seeing quickly approaching Swede, he said '' It was a joke with that undressing thing, I was joking!''

''Undress'' Berwald said this time with a sexily clear voice. Roderich looked around . It seemed that he landed on the piano, so his wish was fulfilled. Roughly, but still.

''Oh'' .Yet again Austria was left speechless. Seeing the confusion on Austria's face, Sweden started to rip Austria's clothes. But not those that looked too expensive. Sweden was economic like that.

''Well I could get used to it'' thought Austria unbuttoning Sweden's jacket. The only thing bothering Austria right now were the smashed pieces of the once majestic door, that left them with no privacy whatsoever. But he dropped those worries when he felt Sweden's hands rapidly touching his torso. Well he kinda owe this one to Elizavieta, so he could let her film a little. Shame that she won't catch in frame those ugly curtains, but who knows? It was only the beginning off the night.

What Austria didn't know was that Hungary wasn't going to film anything tonight, being to preoccupied with the unwanted guest in the kitchen.

* * *

Fin.


End file.
